What to eat at 2am when you are 6 weeks 6 days pregnant with TWINS

One carnitas taco
An entire avocado
Half a bag of tortilla chips
Lots of cheddar cheese
2 pickles

Ok. Maybe not a recommendation, but it is what worked and finally stopped the roiling nausea for me at this hour. Twins. They take a lot of food, it seems.

People keep asking me how I feel about twins. "Are you excited?" More than anything I have been feeling relief. There is life inside me. Not just one light, but two. Two beating hearts, two spines, two beginnings of babies. "Are you scared?" Always. Pregnancy is scary for me. "Are you freaking out?" Not really.

I am, somehow, thoroughly rooted in the present right now. The physical sensations of this pregnancy are intense, all consuming. It takes much concentration to move through a day, to eat every two hours at minimum, to breathe enough to walk and not hurl, to let myself sink into sleep when possible, to remember all my medications, to care for my son and set aside my needs for a moment here and there. As challenging as this physicality is, it keeps me here, not nine months, not five months, not two months from now. The future is overwhelming. Do we need a minivan? Where will we put two more children? How does one nurse two babies at once? What is this going to do to my body? Will I have a cesarean? What if they come early? What if they come too early? What if they die? Eeeeerk. That is where the needle screeches off the record. I cannot go there.


So I will stay here. Right now there are two little lights with beating hearts inside me, and I am pregnant with Twins. I have been hungry, and tired, and nauseous. I am immensely grateful for this pregnancy. I am immensely grateful for the life inside me. The rest will just have to wait. Next ultrasound, December 10.