September arrived and it felt like fall came overnight. Carly came over for dinner last night and asked,"What can I do?"
"Caden has been waiting all day to see you," I replied.
She sat with him while he built with blocks, recounting to her in detail the routine for starting his day at preschool. She played with my son in the sandbox, rocked out with him
on his drums, held his hand while he gave thanks before dinner, and read him a
story while we all curled up on his bed, my eyes inching closed, drowsy from my
small glass of red wine (metered out from my 2-3 drinks/week limit). Ideally I wouldn’t be drinking any alcohol. Or eating any sugar, or
having my caffeinated tea, or eating much dairy, but I don’t have it in me
right now. While keeping up with my three year old, putting healthy food on the table and practicing moderation is going to have to be enough. Which prompts the question that Carly asks once my son is safely
asleep in his bed,
“Do you have the energy for another kid?”
“Yes,” I say without pause. But at 40, this is the question
that scares me the most. Will I have enough energy? Can I do it again? And what
if we have twins? Twins. It gives me a shiver, a little thrill. We could put two embryos in at once. Maybe I could
have my dream of three children. But at what cost? A twin pregnancy is risky. Caring for two new babies would be hard, and my husband does not share this dream of three children. It is hard for me, however, to stomach the thought of being so conservative and reducing our chances of pregnancy so greatly. I do not want to drag out this process any longer than necessary- I am ready to move on one way or another.
On my gratitude list for the day:
Thankful that Friday was my last
birth control pill.
Thankful for the longevity of my
friendship with Carly.
Thankful for the delicious salmon.
And always, thankful for my
whirlwind spitfire child.
Beet and Arugula Salad with Candied Walnuts
Ingredients:
Dressing:
5 tbsp oilive oil
1 tbsp. balsamic vinegar
2 tbsp orange juice
¼ tsp.salt
Salad:
½ head lettuce
3 cups arugula
4 medium sized beets
1 pear
2 cups walnuts
2 tbsp. maple syrup
goat cheese log
serves 4
Directions:
Place the beets whole, with skins on, in water to boil. Make
sure the skin is a complete package- do not trim off the little tails or too
much of the stems. Alice Waters suggests that this makes the beets retain their
juiciness, and I have to agree. Make sure the beets are completely covered with
water and boil until they can be pierced easily with a fork. Time will vary
depending on the size of the beet, but should take around 20 min. Once tender,
drain beets and place in refrigerator to cool.
While all of this is going on, turn your attention to the
walnuts. In a heavy skillet (preferably cast iron) toast the walnuts on medium
heat. You are looking to reduce the bitter flavor at the end of the walnut, and
to soften the texture just a bit. Once they are warm through and through,
reduce the heat and drizzle on the maple syrup. Keep stirring and cook until
the walnuts are coated and delicious.
Wash and tear your greens into bite sized bits. Arrange in
bowls.
Pull out those beets. Remove the skins by hand. They should
come off quite easily. Slice into quarter inch thick rounds. Slice off
medallions of goat cheese, and place in between beet slices, making little
sandwiches. Cut these in quarters and lay atop the greens.
Add walnuts.
Slice your pear into thin slices. leaving on the skin.
Arrange pear slices around the outer edge of the greens. Mix up dressing in
blender and drizzle it on each Salad. Yum.
