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| 25 weeks |
It is shocking to me that we have arrived here. The second trimester flew, and now I find myself with two babies up in my ribs, knocking on my pelvis, pushing their limbs against my skin. I wonder when they will be born. I wonder how they will be born. I wonder what they will look like, what they will be like, who they will be.Time has slowed again, as has my gait, my pace, especially up or down stairs (especially up). Surrender. I'm back in the place of deep surrender as I am not able to tend to things the way I'd like and I have to ask my husband to carry the laundry, hire someone to ready the backyard for summer. I have to lie down a lot. Doctor's orders. And the truth is I'm tired, and I need the rest.
Spring continues to fluxuate wildly between cold, wet chill and bright sun, but early spring has left us and I feel the seasons shifting. In Portland, spring is a long affair: February-July, and spring almost has its own seasons wrapped inside. Early spring blossoms, riotous cold alternating with sun, May heat, and next will come the June return of chilling rains before summer finally gets here.
Caden was born in June, rain pelting the windows of the hospital, Cameron building a fire the day we brought him home. Caden was born in the water, the Cave Singers playing, me on my knees holding onto Cameron's shoulders. I have known since the day we saw two heart beats that this birth would be different. On Thursday I will have a more definitive idea if a vaginal birth is possible. I think my girlie is head down and first in line, but she started out as baby B, slated to be second born of these two, and they've both been moving so much, I'm not sure what is going on in there. Things are getting tight though. Wherever they are, it's likely that's where they'll stay til they come on out. Main exit or through the sunroof, I can still hope for a peaceful birth. Surrender, surrender, surrender.